The week following chemo is crappy...I know that it is and I can count on a downhill slide through the first 10 or 12 days. The weekend following the treatment is usually the worst of it. Yesterday I sat on Katie's poisonous couch thinking over and over and over:
I don't feel good
I don't feel good
I don't feel good
I don't feel good...
Something on the morning news provided the opportunity for a single tear to drip down my face.
Katie, on her way out to an early morning class, said,"Well Mom, the one advice I have for you is get dressed and get to work as soon as you can." Of course Genius was right. I had to straighten my self out:
I'm ok
I'm ok
I'm ok
I'm ok...
Got showered and dressed and off to work and low and behold:
I WAS OK.
If you wonder if all the baloney and haloohey about self talk works I'm telling you IT DOES. What you tell yours MATTERS...seriously, no kidding, yes indeed. I always hear about the power of the mind and I'm here to witness (holy moley revival tent intensity) that it really, truly matters. I personally think that you have to acknowledge where you're at and then decide where you want to go with that big ole powerful brain. My very wise friend Barbara use to tell me that every morning she would say "how am I feeling and what do I need." If you think that is easy to do it isn't. Being clear about where you are at and what you need is an interesting exercise - like yoga stretches for the noggin. And please note, this post is a self lecture as I type. Trying to locate where I am on the mental map this am so I can self direct my morning. Fortunately, yesterday's pity party was time limited cause I had other things to do. Will probably be back reading this post to myself again soon.
Hugs,
Mary
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