I Get High with a Little Help From My Friend(ly oncologist...)

Today I started taking my mega dose of prednisone as a precursor for heading to the chemo bar tomorrow...I take it for five days.  It makes me higher than a kite, my heart racing and my mind spinning like a gerbil wheel.  Get this, these are the listed side effects:
Difficulty sleeping; feeling of a whirling motion; increased appetite; increased sweating; indigestion; mood changes;nervousness.
Good time, eh??  I got so wound up during one round that I arranged all of Katies clothes by color - and style...I can't wait to get my hands on her sock/underwear drawer this round.  She has given me the stink eye every time I even get near her dresser.  My mighty spouse, Scott (Chief Lymphoma Researcher in Residence and co-creator of the fabulous foursome) tells me that the prednisone is like the nut-cracker for the cells so that they can receive the chemo impacts.  Ok already...but it still makes me nuts.  On Tuesday, following the five day adventure, I can look forward to an emotional and physical crash.  Last round when I hit bottom and started crying Cray reminded me that it was ok to just go in my office and take a break.  Smart thinking.
Back at ya soon - gotta go find something to organize...NOW...
Hugs,
Mary

The Sandman Cometh...Amazing...

Today is Sandy's birthday - my now 25 year old beautiful, amazing, kind, brilliant son.  He was this way from the very, very beginning.  If I don't live one more nanosecond of life I would leave a happy, lucky person for having had him in my life.

How can four people so completely change your life?  Let me count the ways - Camie, Sandy, Katie, Kelley.  They are the stars in my sky.  They are the moon and the sun on any day of the week.  They are the music to my dance.

P.S.  Katie is going to Harvard.

Getting on each others NERVES

Katie and I were getting on each others nerves yesterday ending in me slamming the bathroom door and she stomping off to the gym...it was short lived though and ended in us sharing a salad from Cafe Rio and topping it off with a piece of pie and ice cream.  We both got food babies and fell comatose into bed...she from having traveled to Boston twice in the last three weeks and Michigan this last weekend.  Me - well, I apparently have sleeping sickness from the now-not-so-mighty lymphoma (take that you rotten little invader you).  AND - by way of full disclosure I also ate a beautiful, fabulous lunch of gorgeous homemade delights by the lovely Jen.  I need to be banished from food for awhile (right, like that is gonna happen...)  Back to frayed nerves - I camped myself at Katie's one bedroom apartment following round 1 of chemo and have stayed there every week day since then so that I am five minutes away from work.  I have overtaken her living room as my bedroom, overstuffed her already bulging little closet, and hogged the bathroom like any self respecting mother would do.  Out of desperation she took me for a ride night before last and bought me frozen yogurt to try to ward off my whining about wanting to go to Memory Grove Park for a short walk when she was totally jet lagged.  She also has a loveseat that is full of poison that when you lay down on it you fall asleep - EVERY TIME!  And, to be  honest, I like to tell her she is a "pig" and she calls me her own unspeakable name...We also have laughed so hard everyday that it makes my stomach ache.  In short, nerves and all, it has been grand.  Katie has finally decided on which graduate school she will attend.  The trips she went on were recruiting trips where apparently everywhere she went the Chemistry professors are drooling over her like she is the Ms. America of Nerdville in a serious way. I am ready to announce the school she has chosen but since she is still sleeping and it is 4 am and I'm not sure I'm allowed to announce her decision yet I will very patiently wait until at least five (maybe 6) am to jump on her in her bed like a good mother should.  I do my best.
Love,
Mary
P.S.  Yes, Katie steals my earrings (and my sweaters) and I wear her clothes (especially when she is out of town)...as it should be.  

Mom and Pops: This One's for YOU (you ridiculously wonderfully cheerful twosome)

My Mom use to tell me that every time she was in labor she would say to herself "what was I thinking???"but then the baby would be born and she would forget all about those thoughts and how wonderful it was to have that new child.  My Mom had six kids - so I thought she was a slow learner for sure.  That whole thing about how you forget what labor is like after you have your baby is a big fat lie as far as I'm concerned.  It's just like chemo - have it, egads what have I done, get results and wooowhoooo...So you see that I am a slow learner too...must be in the genes.  Last week (post chemo week) was the usual pattern and I didn't like it (remember, we don't use the 'hate" word...cause...well, read the prior post if needs be...) but now that I'm on the mend I've forgotten about it.  Maybe it wasn't so bad after all...or it could be that my brains cells are getting fried too...I can't remember...  In addition to the slow learning my Mom is ridiculously cheerful - especially in the morning.  When she greets you first thing you can't help but think "SERIOUSLY Mom??" even if you are a lark like me and relish the early morning hours.  Anyhow, I had a big outing yesterday and that was super duper.  I only go three places - Katie's apartment, my office and home to American Fork on the weekend.  All that is to cut down on exposure to germs since my immune system is knocked down.  Yesterday I got to go with Katie to help with a dog sitting assignment.  There are two big rambunctious doggies to visit (Sierra a golden retriever and Georgia Brown a chocolate lab.)  Do you know what happens when you throw a ball for dogs like this?  You get caught in a never ending loop of throw and retrieve...throw and retrieve...throw and retrieve...throw...well you get it.  It was fantastic.  I've always described myself as a human labarador (get it from my Dad for sure) and this is the gene that is pushing me through these treatments I believe.  Go get chemo, come back, go get chemo come back...go get chemo come back...that's where it's coming from.  My Dad would also make friends with the shoe salespoerson or the bagger at the grocery store when we were kids (still does as far as I can tell) eternally positive in his approach to people and life.  I gotta tell you, this is a skill that really rings true in my situation.  You need a large net of friends to support you through this mess.  Friends are the cheese to my macaroni and I couldn't be dancing on my chemo-ed toes with happiness without them.  So to Mom and Dad (or as we call them in our family circle, Gloria and Ernie...don't ask why I don't have a clue) I say "SALUTE!"  As a slow learning relentlessly cheerful mud rucking ball chasing "dog" I am most humble for what you gave me that's keeping me going.  I'd lick you on the face if you were here right now.
Big Hugs,
Mary

This is dedicated (bubububu) to the One I Lu-u-uve

I wanted to write a blog on the 10 reasons I hate chemo but the words didn't come.  I thought if I let it ruminate for a few days it would be easy to write all the reasons for the "hate" but it didn't happen.  That's because I don't hate chemo - it is my key to freedom, my golden pass to prosperity, my link to longevity...you can't hate something that does all that can you?  It's like labor...can you really, really hate it when it ends with the love of your life in your arms...sigh...you just can't go there.  What I "strongly dislike" (a kin of "hate" but without the same passion) are the cranky, ranky side effects.  I mean seriously, who couldn't do without the throat sores, shakes and aches, nausea, hair loss, and assorted other blah, blah, blahs (like metal taste in your mouth or the feeling you swallowed a tin can or the F-A-T-I-G-U-E).  It is seriously like being pregnant in an opposite way.  Your body is not your own, doing strange and miraculous deeds - only the cells are being destroyed instead of created.  The un-pregnancy who's "birthing" results in the return of my body to myself.  If all goes well though the results will be in less than 9 months...nothing short of a miracle.  Today is also the anniversary of another miracle in my life.  Kelley James, my last beautiful baby boy turned 19 years old.  Woooowhoooo - sing it loud, sing it clear, this kid came shooting out like a rocket and shot us a smile seconds after being born.  He understood the gig - that life is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Hugs,
Mary

This Morning the Applesauce Tasted Like Catsup...

This morning I fixed myself a waffle with applesauce...that tasted like catsup.  Now that's weird - thank you chemo drugs.  At long last here's a few pics...more to come...if Camie can teach me how to download photos without her assistance.  You know that thing about teaching old dogs new tricks?  

All I can say is "ruff".

Here I am sporting the naked noggin with my Provo City pals - Karen, Kat and Kevin!

Ain't misbehavin here with the cue ball under wraps.

Now, this is what you call a HAT!!

Is it just me...or is this just SOOOOO Funny!

Sorry to post a little TMI about the lymphoma battle scene...but there are a series of side effects that just ain't funny.  Constipation for one (sorry, but that is like the worst toxic poisoning effect you can imagine and if it hasn't happened to you in a major way then just thank your freakin lucky stars.)  My Mom has been sending me The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency books (reminding me that I need to return them when she has cancer - really Mom!!) and there was the greatest passage (sorry no pun intended) on the topic.  Precious Ramotswe (main character) reflects on what she might have to be embarrassed about:

"Now constipation was quite a different matter.  It would be dreadful for the whole world to know about troubles of that nature.  She felt terrible sorry for people who suffered from constipation, and she knew that there many who did.  There were probably enough of them to form a political party - with a chance of government perhaps - but what would such a party do if it was in power?  Nothing, she imagined.  It would try to pass legislation, but would fail."

Seriously funny reading...

The Mighty Aunts Rally the Forces

I have some incredible women (Mom, sisters, friends, cousins) in my life but my aunts are a force to be reckoned with.  If you wonder where I get my gumption from then you need to meet the troops:  Eunie, Vonnie, Cheryl, Anita, Betty.  Blockbusters each in their right.  They take no enemies and they see stories through to the end.  You absorb strength just hanging out with them and I'm not a kiddin...if the universe runs in the right direction it's because they make it so.  I would write a screenplay about each of their lives but you wouldn't believe that it was nonfiction.  Now the men are not shabby mind you, but the women, good golly they are my source when the well runs shallow.  I'd profile each one of them but they'd string me up and tell me to get on with things.  See?? Just my type.

Chemo round three effects are taking hold in their patterned way.  Will report more later in the week.  Coming soon - the hat brigade where you'll see the results of the gifting that has come my way.  Life is good - take care of yourselves.
Hugs,
Mary

I Feel Good (doo,doo,doo,doo,do,do), Like I Knew that I would (doo,doo,doo,doo,do,do!)

I have achieved Rock Star Status at the chemo bar today! The doc reports that my latest scan shows progress in diminishing my lymphoma friends...bye, bye fat heads!!!! Am exhausted and elated...love can cure it all apparently. LOVE THAT! HUGS, KISSSES, WONDERFULNESS...gotta go back to bed now.

60 seconds on Mary by Mary (Really)

An interview with myself now follows:

Me: You have lymphoma...
Me 2:  Really?
Me:  Really.
Me 2:  Really??
Me:  Really.
Me2:  Really???!!
Me:  Really.
Me2;  REALLY???!!!
Me:  Really.
Me 2:  REALLY TRULY????!!!
Me:  Really.
Me 2:  You've got to be kidding me.
Me:  No.
Me 2:  Do I look like I have lymphoma?  I mean seriously??!!!
Me:  Yes.
Me 2:  OK.

Denial has passed...this is what lymphoma looks like huh??  Not too bad is it.

The End.
(More interesting conversations to follow.)
(REALLY???)
(Really.)

ROOUNNNDDDDD NUMMMMBEEERRRR 2!!

On Saturdays I used to head over to the gym at 7 am where the mighty Jill would kick Allyce and I into shape through an amazing turbo jam class.  The class always started with the announcement of which round we were going to follow - all this to say I went to Roounnddddd Nuuummbeerrr 2 of chemo on February 21.  How was it?  Well, round number two was the same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse...actually there is a very distinct pattern to the post chemo reactions.  Surprisingly, the worst of it is the weekend after chemo where I know that I will crawl into bed and want to stay there for a good while.  Knowing the pattern makes everything doable in that it's predictable.  There's a lot to be said about predictability.  Some of the variety of stuff that happens through the magic of chemo are things like a metal taste in my mouth, dizziness, nausea (there are meds to quell that action), tiredness and fuzziness of the brain.  I warned folks at work if you don't see me write down what I committed to do on a sticky note then don't count on me remembering.  There is a little lymphoma action happening in my head so let's chalk it up to that and call it good.  I have only shared this blog with one friend, but she outed it to another friend so I'll spill the beans tomorrow and pass this blog along to others.  Seems weird to do so, but no weirder than having lymphoma and going through chemo. Oh, a last big note. Had a CT scan on Friday and will know of results by this Friday when I see the oncologist doc.  Then I'll know if the chemo is doing the housecleaning it should or if we need to adjust course.  So, stay tuned for the next episode.  Hugs and such, Mary