I'm Not the Same Person

Knowing myself the way I know myself I knew that sometime after the worst of the cancer "situation" was under control that I would begin to embrace in retrospect what had just happened to me. This has been happening over the last week or so since becoming officially "remitted" (which is what my friend from the bus, Britches, refers to it as.) Waves of emotion, at the oddest times, come over me as glimpses of my recent adventure come to mind. It feels like I was driving on the freeway in the middle of the night with a double trailed semi truck headed right at me, and by the grace of goodness, good chemistry, love and friendship I somehow had the presence of mind to swerve at just the right time to avoid the truck, all other cars, and drove smoothly off the closest exit. I can still hear the whoosh of cancer rushing by me like that truck in the blackness. I can't help but feel the bigness of what came with that kind of encounter. The Chief Researcher reminds me, in a kind but clear way, that the Lymphoma will be back - because that is what this little envader does, it returns again and again. Only, this next time it won't be in the night, and next time it won't take me by surprise like a deer in the headlights, and next time I will know in advance that there are ways to get off the road! I'm not the same person that I was back in January, and that's a big something that this adventure has been about.